Tuesday, April 21, 2009

No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker

Welcome back Sporefans. We've got another amazing review here for you tonight, as we've decided to review the 2008 Ghost House Underground movie No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker.

Now I know what many of you are probably thinking; that judging by the title of this movie it probably reeks. You're probably expecting another terrible movie, the contents of which I shred, pick apart and display for you like some sort of cinematic maniac. I too expected a terrible pile of festering feces that I could use as fertilizer in yet another review of the terrible atrocities of movie history.

Imagine my embarrassment when this movie didn't suck.

"But Spored," you ask, "How could a movie with a title like Rise of the Reeker not suck?" Well Sporefans, I really don't know what cosmic forces aligned the heavens to allow this movie to be good, but somehow the stars have aligned to just the right configuration to let a movie with a title this bad be as equally good in content.

The title of this movie isn't the only hindrance that its had to overcome. First, the movie is written and directed by the same person, which is usually a sign of a "Kwality" production. The only way that a movie could slip further down that slippery slope is by having that writer/director also produce, star, or produce and star in a film. As this is a regular occurrence in movies that I often watch, I have decided to create a new term for actions such as this: Apodacaing (Pronounce Apodaca-ing, as in to do as Sebastian Apodaca did in his horrifying piece of crap movie Half-Caste). More commonly, this can be used as a verb; to Apodaca.

This movie might have some people bouncing off invisible walls... Actually this effect is much cooler looking when its not being captured by a fungus man with a digital camera.

Did I mention that this movie is a sequel to Dave Payne's Reeker, which did not do too well in the box office. Apparently it was only released in Great Britian, and made only slightly over $340,000 at the box office. In total. Somehow, despite mediocre box office returns, the producers decided to make Rise of the Reeker, and spent $2 million on it. That's some pretty hefty faith in your product; spending almost six times as much as the first film made.


No, the economic type of gross, not the horror movie type of gross. Although there are some gross scenes in this movie. Like when Stephen Martines takes a dip in a septic tank.

OK, I couldn't get a shot of the guy in the septic tank, but here's what happens when you're caught between the realms of life and death and you plow your car into an invisible wall at eighty miles-per-hour.

Shhhh!!! He doesn't know yet! Don't tell him! It'll be funny!

Writer and director Dave Payne (no relation to Max) does Apodaca this movie; however it appears that despite the severe Apodacaing this movie does not suffer. Nor does casting Michael Muhney as the lead, Deputy Harris McAllister spoil this movie. You might know Michael Muhney as a bit actor in such hit shows as JAG, CSI:Miami and Without a Trace. And by hit shows, I actually mean "please gouge out my eyes with an awl"; but lets not get sidetracked with the failings of David Caruso's acting abilities, nor CBS's tepid nightly crime-drama schlock.

Those are for another time.

No, Michael Muhney successfully makes the transition from a small fish in an ocean of cookie cutter B-rank night time crime drama to a large fish in a small independent film market. Good job not sucking Michael!

With two near misses avoided, it looks like this movie might be in the clear. But wait! Who is this man playing the villain? Who is Michael Robert Brandon? And why are there so many actors in this movie named "Michael"? Seriously, that's weird.

Well, at first Michael Robert Brandon may appear to be the weak link in this movie. He has a relatively small body of work over the last decade, and many of those roles have been on single episodes of relatively unknown shows. He seems like he might be a risky guy to cast as "The Salesman", the movie's villain and psychopathic killer.

Except that he rocks.

Not only do the voices tell this guy what to do, they're real!

Brandon's portrayal of a serial killer who roams the desert of Death Valley listening to other worldly voices is genuinely creepy. The scenes in the beginning of the movie when Brandon still plays the "living" Death Valley Drifter are far superior to the scenes after... well, I'm actually not going to spoil this one. No, you should see this movie for yourself. I know, I know... Rise of the Reeker sounds like it should be thrown out in the trash, but I'm telling you Sporefans, this movie is like that fancy stinky cheese that people like so much; It smells bad, but tastes awesome! Trust me on this one Sporefans. After all, what is cheese but milk with fungus in it?

Believe it or not, this is the device the protagonists used to destroy the monster in the end of the movie. While it lacks a name, we here at Spored to Death Publishing have dubbed it the "Death Toilet 420". It explodes. Seriously, they kill the monster with a flaming toilet.

Don't believe me? See for yourself. Here's the trailer for No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker.