Sunday, June 18, 2006

Starship Troopers 2 and the introduction of the Fecal Sequel

OK kids, its time for a lesson in sequels. Yup. Sit down and let your uncle Spore tell you about a bad movie, and how it changed my way of looking at the Hollywood phenomenon known as a "Sequel".

It all started when I saw this movie, "Starship Troopers". It wasn't a bad movie. It wasn't a great movie. It was OK. It starred that Casper Van Dien. You might remember him from Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness.

Well, after the movie Starship Troopers, someone must have come up to Casper and said, "Hey. Casper van Dien. You've just finished making the movie Starship Troopers. Wanna be in the sequel?"

At which point, Casper must have said "Hell no! I'm moving on to bigger and better things!"

(note: I'm making all this up. Practically as I go. I have no information about what might have transpired at the end of shooting Starship Troopers. I just have a healthy imagination and a blog. But you knew that already, didn't you?)

So, after that, someone did a bad thing. And I watched it. I watched it all. Then I drank until I couldn't feel feelings anymore.

And when I woke up, I thought about this and all the other stuff I watched, and I came up with this idea. You see, when a movie in Hollywood makes a lot of money, they make a sequel to it. Sometimes more than one. As the sequels are produced, they generally degrade in quality, like a photocopy. Sometimes, the sequels are planned and it works out. Other times the sequels are shot only because the first movie made a lot of money. Or even just some money. But when a movie is shot many years later for purely financial reasons, chances are that the sequels will degrade the quality of the product. No matter what that product is.

Sometimes its not so bad. And other times it really sucks.

But what if you have a movie that's not to bad, but then make a sequel that just bombs? Well, then you have a "Fecal Sequel". Yes kids, a Fecal Sequel is when you go from OK to poop in one movie. A movie so bad that it kills the entire franchise. No, it doesn't count if the first movie sucks. It has to be a sequel, and it has to kill it outright. Not a long slow painful death. It has to kill off a possible franchise in one blow.

So in conclusion, Starship Troopers 2 is a shining example of a Fecal Sequel. And I made that term up all by myself (how does one copyright a phrase?). But I will give Starship Troopers 2 one thing. It did one thing that made me happy, ever so briefly amidst the 2 hours of misery that I remember through an alcoholic haze. I got to see Kelly Carlson naked.


esuarez said...

Another example of a fecal sequal would be garfield 2 a tale to kitties. Or crap with fur....the movie. Hey that's not the American idol Kelly Carlson.

Spored_to_Death said...

Actually, it doesn't count if the first movie sucked. Now, I've never seen the first Garfield movie, but it looked pretty bad to me, and I have some pretty F'ed up standards.

By the way, does anyone know where I can get a copy of either Zombiegeddon or Hellraiser 8: Hellworld? I'd like to see those movies.

But not Garfield.

min said...

that would be kelly clarkson, i believe.

Spored_to_Death said...

Nope. I checked. Its Kelly Carlson. Kelly Clarkson is a different person. Kelly Carlson plays "Kimber" on Nip/Tuck. Kelly Clarkson appears to be some kind of comedian (I didn't really look into it too much). I have the link to Kelly Carlson's imdb profile in the post.

Trust me. When it comes to nudity, I check my facts. I don't want people to watch a movie to see someone naked and then get gypped.

Or do I? Hmmm...