Thursday, April 13, 2006

Public Service Announcement: Cover your ears!

Its very hard to steer your car with your hands over your ears screaming "Make it stop, make it stop!". Which is, in fact, what happened to me today.

Now I want to apologize to all the Spored to Death readers, as my first review was going to be for "Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness" which would have been ready by tomorrow, but something came up. In fact, it came up and forced itself down my ear canal causing me great pain and furious anger.

And that something was "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage" by Panic! At The Disco.

The dictionary defines the word pretentious as : "pre·ten·tious adj.
Claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified.
Making or marked by an extravagant outward show; ostentatious." (

But what's missing is the link to the lyrics for this song at the end of this definition. Now I'm not a music aficionado. I can say that I'm no expert at poetry or the creation of lyrics. But if it looks like feces, sounds like feces and smells like feces, then its 100% crap.

I have heard this song a few times on the radio, back and fourth to work, and frankly, after the first play though, I always dive for the dial, desperate to find something else. I'd settle for the emergency broadcast system test, or even some Coldplay. (I have issues with a guy who sings about how sad he is and how much he cries about his pain when he can afford to go home to his solid gold house in his shiny new rocket car. But I'll save Coldplay for another time.)

When this song came on today and caught me by surprise, I had to ask myself a hard question. Should I reach for the dial and try to drive this demon-jingle from my head, or should I just swerve into oncoming traffic now and end my pain. I decided to live, but only by a narrow margin.

I'm not going to bother posting a link to the lyrics for this audible waste, but here's a small portion for you to examine:

"Dear studio audience,
I have an announcement to make.
It seems the artists these days are not who you think.
So we'll pick back up on that on another page.

And I believe, this may call for a proper introduction.
And well, dont you see? I'm the narrator and this is just the prologue."

So what can be gathered from the core of these lyrics (as the rest of the song is some form of refrain, replayed over and over) is that there is some "deception" by "the artists" but its something that will be explained later. The promised explanation never makes its debut in the song. The last line translates to "There's a guy singing this song and there's more to this story."

So are we to believe that there's some multi-song epic opera in the works about the grand conspiracy of modern music? More likely the "artist" wanted to write something deep and meaningful, but that was just too hard. Instead they wrote about writing something deep and meaningful. This "metacontent" which links to (surprise) nothing, is nothing more than a lazy and failed attempt to disguise a fluff piece as deep and meaningful. Similar to dying a Labrador retriever green and trying to pass it off as the Loch Ness monster.

This song was most likely written by someone who was masturbating to the though of how great they were and what an important contribution they would be making to the world. So a word to all those out there who don't possess a CD or tape deck in your car. Beware. There is crap on the airwaves. It will crush your spirit and make you beg for death. You' have been warned.

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