The Evil of Dr. Satanicus

Ever wonder what it is that makes bad movies so desirable to watch? Is it the improvised props due to budget constrictions? Is it the bad dubbing? The sets that are sometimes barns and sometimes basements? The costumes that occasionally change every other shot? The plot, so full of holes that it makes swiss cheese look solid and sturdy by comparision?

Whatever it is that attracts us to these movies like moths to a red light in someone's doorway, beckoning us and scores of souless men to come hither and either burn to death in a red hot blaze or give some woman $20 for oral sex, this movie has it.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, "The Evil of Dr. Satanicus".















Shot, chopped, and scored in New Brunswick, New Jersey, on a tight, tight budget (if any), "The Evil" is 42 minutes of solid gold entertainment. Yes, you heard me right, this movie rocks. And when you're finished watching the movie, you won't have herpes.

And the best part is, its free. Just click on the DivX link on the left. So you can watch the movie and still pay for oral sex from a cheap metaphorical prostitute.

The Evil of Dr. Satanicus is the tale of a couple who's marriage is on the rocks who head out to a local park, or forest (I'm actually not quite sure) trying to rekindle their marriage. But unfortunately for them, the only thing the park holds for them is Evil! Yes, horrible gobs of sticky wet evil, that when unleashed will forever mar the face of the world!

In the park, they encounter "Knuckles" and "Brains", the two hoods who work for Dr. Satanicus, a crazy old man, and eventually the good Dr. himself. Combine this cast of characters with sound effects stolen from old episodes of "Scooby-Doo", a score of stolen funk, and lines that almost never match up with the actor's lip movements, and you have yourself a movie.






Brains shows Knuckles who "runs barter town".







If you've read my previous review of "Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness" you'll note what I said about Coolio. I said (and I quote) "Coolio definitely shows that if you can’t act badly in a good movie, you can always act badly in a bad movie and look great by comparison." (Me.) This movie is an extension of that very basic idea. With no budget, one camera, a bad mike and some friends, these people put together a great bad movie. Mystery Science Theater would probably sell a kidney to get their hands on something like this. Either that or Tom Servo would have to put on that Red light tonight.

For example, here you have Barbara played by Anne Goldstein.








Barbara number 1.






And one scene later Barbara is played by Cia Bates.







Barbara number 2.






And then there's this:






Hmm.... I wonder what's inside it.







And if that wasn't enough for you, there's this scene where Dr. S tries to brainwash Barbara using a metal colander and a can opener. In a basement.






"Are you the dark lord Satan?"







Why do we like bad movies? Because they're bad. If we wanted to see a good movie, we'd put on our Sunday best and wander on down to the local theater with a date, shell out $20 on tickets, and watch a movie that reminds us of every other movie we've seen before in one shape or another. Afterwards there'd be some dinner, some uncomfortable making out in the back seat of a run down old station wagon which would ultimately wind up in some sort of argument/talk about all that serious relationship and waiting for marriage jazz, and an uncomfortable ride home leaving everyone feeling tense and unfullfilled.

But the bad movies break the mold. They present stories that haven't been rehashed over and over again by Hollywood's stock of monkeys chained to word processors, cutting and pasting bits and pieces until you have the next "Speed" or "Mission Impossible" sequel. There it is, trying new things. Bending and stretching, to unfold new ways of looking and thinking about things.

Yes children, bad movies put out.

And when it comes to bad movies, there are "good" bad movies and "bad" bad movies. This is one of the "good"ones. Why? Because it doesn't try to imitate Hollywood. It doesn't claim to be a groundbreaking, deep, powerful action/thriller with philosophical overtones (whoa). The "good" bad movie doesn't try to fit into the tight, constricting tube top that is the canon law of Hollywood. It's loose and untamed. Taking chances and breaking all the rules. It is exactly what it is.

And in this case it's a movie shot by a bunch of college kids, probably while high. It's funny, it's entertaining and at the end of the day, you get to keep your $20 for something a lot more worthwile.

Pizza.

What did you think I was talking about?







And who doesn't enjoy a good smoke after some great "pizza"?