Stuart Gordon's Deathbed

Now I want to make one thing clear at the start of this review. This review is about Stuart Gordon's Deathbed, not Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. I only wish the movie I was about to review was about a bed that ate people. Sadly, this is not the case.

Stuart Gordon's Deathbed is about a couple who move into an old apartment building in Hollywood and find an old brass bed. The bed turns the wife from somewhat of a prude into, well, into this:







And its not even my birthday or anything.




So then the movie turns into about 70 minutes of intermittent soft core porn with a few scenes of plot. What's really amazing about all this soft core porn is that Tanya Dempsey, as seen above never shows her boobs!

Don't worry though, there are boobs in this movie. Here's one now:







It's Joe Estevez!




Don't worry, Joe Estevez plays the building superintendent, so you don't have to see him getting it on with Ms. Dempsey. Now that would be horror! But sadly, this movie is severely lacking in the horror department. There are a few horror elements, some pictures the wife sketches, a few flashbacks and a ghostly image on a few photos. This movie is seriously tepid in the horror department.

Things really start to come to a head in the last ten minutes of the movie when the couple decide to leave the cursed bed and their newly found sex life behind. Unfortunately, the husband possesses the attention span of a rhesus monkey and walks into the cursed room with the bed.







"Duh! What's this? A scary bed? I hope I don't get possessed or somethin'."



Then of course, as predicted in the first five minutes of the film, hubby gets possessed and tries to kill his wife. He fails miserably as Dempsey uses a hammer to make his head look like a waffle. This is probably the only good scene in the movie, horror wise anyway.

The rest of the cast is rounded out by Megan Mangum and Dukey Flyswatter as the ghosts. Seriously, this guy changed his name to Dukey Flyswatter as a stage name. But I guess once you've done Surf Nazi's Must Die, you'd change your name to just about anything.

So in conclusion, this is a sad tepid little movie. Don't even bother with this one. If you have 80 minuters to kill, then I suggest staring at this instead.