Saturday, July 22, 2006

Don't look in the Basement!

Welcome back Spore fans. No doubt you can't wait for another exciting movie review. Either that, or you're just kind of bored and have nothing better to do. Either way, you're here, and I'm reviewing "Don't look in the Basement!", a classic hailing all the way back from 1973 (also known as "The Forgotten" and "Death Ward #13").

Let me tell you a little story about how I came across this movie. I was shopping in the local video store in the $10 or less aisle, when I noticed this 4 pack of movies. Doing some rough math in my head, then on paper, then with a solar powered calculator, a TI-84 graphing calculator and Excel, I found that the average value of each of these movies was roughly $681.93. Then I asked the clerk who said $2.50 for each movie.

"Two dollars and fifty cents for each movie?" I shouted, attracting the attention of everyone in the store. "Damn, these movies have got to absolutely suck! I'll take them!" So with my discounted cinema, I exited the store. OK, so I got thrown out for shouting, my point being that these were some cheap movies and I had no illusions about what I was getting into.

Dr. Why did you give that mental patient an axe? Also, you might want to move two feet to your left really soon.

Imagine my dismay when "Don't look in the Basement" actually turned out to be a pretty decent movie. Gah! That's not what I paid for! But alas, the money was already spent. That and the other movies in the set were pretty good.

Now when I see a title like "Don't look in the Basement", I'm expecting some horrible creature or zombie to be in said basement. But there is no supernatural force in this movie. Just a whole lot of crazy people. The movie is set in an old house that's being used as a new age (in the 70's anyway) sanitarium. Patients and doctors live together in harmony with no locks on the doors and no separation between inmates. So things are pretty peaceful, except for all the killing and maiming going on.

One of these two women are going to get naked in the movie. But which one? You'll have to watch it to find out!

Now there are some moments in "Basement" that are pretty bad and by proxy, memorable. My personal favorite is one scene where a man is beaten to death by a toy boat. But overall, its a pretty good and realistic movie.

Don't expect to see any big name actors or actresses in this one, as most of them went on to become extras in Logan's Run. Although, Hugh Feagin went on to such great shows as "Walker, Texan Ranger" (WARNING: Watching "Walker, Texas Ranger" may cause blood to leak from your eyes and cause permanent brain damage resulting in a loss of all logic and some motor skills). Another actor, Robert Dracup went on to become a gaffer. Rosie Holotik, the stereotypical sane, hot nurse surrounded by crazies went on to become an extra on a Perry Mason movie. See, Raymond Burr takes care of his fellow B-movie thespians (Bride of the Gorilla, anyone else see it? I thought not).

Hot and sane? What are the odds?!

So overall, this movie was a good deal. I strongly recommend it over, say, being lobotomized. Definitely a diamond in the rough. Unlike what I have in mind for next week. Tune in then to see how much worse things could be.


esuarez said...

Let me tell you about the last movie I saw with a similar type of saniturium. It was called unhibited girl. Now there were locks in the saniturium but you see the hospital was full of sluts and horny guards and everyone time one wanted to get out they all sleep together. Oh wait, this is porno isn't it? I can't tell the difference anymore.

Oh well, I'll go back to watching the big blockbuster of the year "King Dong" on dvd.

Spored_to_Death said...