Saturday, July 15, 2006

Godzilla 2000

I have a confession to make. I'm a huge Godzilla fan. I love to watch Godzilla movies, and I can pretty much sit around all day watching them.

There is, of course, one exception to that rule. That wretched miscarriage starring Mathew Broderick. That abomination should have been aborted by the film company in the back seat of a 79' Chevy Nova in the studio parking lot with a rusty wire hanger. Luckily, I'm not going to review that vile sideshow freak of a movie born from the mind of Roland Emmerich. How could I after I saw this on imdb: "Roland Emmerich admitted that he did not like the original Godzilla movies - he only agreed to the project after being promised to be able to do what ever he wanted with the series." I'll leave his movie where it belongs, writhing in a pile of its own filth.

And Roland, if you're reading this: screw you.

Now I know what you're thinking. How can a movie that cost only $1 million be superior to a movie that cost $130 million? Doesn't more money mean a better movie?

No Virginia, it does not.

In any event, Godzilla 2000 is everything that a Godzilla movie should be (pay attention Rol, maybe you'll learn something). To wit: you have a guy in a rubber suit, stomping on Tokyo, breathing fire and fighting another guy in a rubber suit. Also, you get an insane military commander hell bent on destroying the King of the Monsters, aliens hell bent on eating Godzilla to absorb his powers, and product placement out the wazoo.

Time for a hug.

Godzilla isn't about fancy-scmancy CGI effects and big named actors. Godzilla is about simple struggles of good and evil, about the Japanese people being masochistically philosophical about a 400 ton nuclear monster that crushes their cities, and its about really bad amateur pro-wrestling. In the world of Godzilla, good always wins, humanity's hubris is punished, and construction companies make HUGE amounts of money rebuilding Japan.

Old school fans of Godzilla will notice that the big green guy is noticeably meaner looking now. The suit started changing with the start of the Heisei or VS series (starting with Godzilla 1984) of movies, presenting Godzilla as a bigger, meaner, actually frightening looking monster. Godzilla 2000, first of the "Millennium Series" takes the new look a step further, and for the first time in any of the movies, Godzilla is actually green.

With the new look comes a new attitude. Gone are the days were Godzilla is the lovable, goofy protector of Japan. The new Godzilla is here for one reason, and one reason only: To kick ass. Gone are the fights in barren wastelands. Now most of the battles take place in populated areas resulting in casualties. Monsters who used to just roar in agony and fall over after being hit with Godzilla's radioactive breath, now explode into flames and die horribly.

If you've never been a fan of giant monster movies, you'll probably never understand the joy of watching one of your favorite childhood memories adapt and succeed to the changing times. But something tells me that you might be a closet Godzilla fan. You don't want to admit it, but somewhere deep down inside, you like watching a man in a rubber suit stomp on finely crafted models. Late at night you when you claim that you're not tired, I know you're watching. Alone in the dark pre-dawn hours after every one else is safely and snugly tucked in to bed, you change the channel to watch the big green guy stomp mercilessly all over the small screen.

You know you do.

And someday, you'll admit it.


min said...

classic godzilla wins, hands down

Spored_to_Death said...

Define "classic"? There are at least 4 versions of Godzilla that I know of, 3 of which are before this one.

min said...

most of the 60s-70s. except godzilla's revenge. my god was that a piece of donkey doo.

fnord12 said...

Godzilla vs. Gigan & vs. Megalon are the best! I love "lovable, goofy protector of Japan". But looks like the newest movie, Godzilla: Final Wars, may be up your alley - according to the summary he takes on all his old foes, and even beats up the Matthew Broderick Godzilla. When i saw that today it shot right up to the top of the netflix queue.

Spored_to_Death said...

So you guys like the Showa era Godzilla films. They're OK, but I think that my taste in Godzilla movies has evolved as the movies themselves have. Plus its nice to see them actually spend some money on Godzilla movies.

As for Final Wars, I have seen it, and its fantastic. Since this is supposed to be the last Godzilla movie ever (for now) it was really good. And yes, he does kill G.I.N.O. (Godzilla in name only), or something that looks suspiciously like it in a most humiliating manner.

One last tidbit of info, did you know that the Godzilla series of movies is the longest running movie franchise in history? Godzilla movies have been running even longer than the James Bond movies.

esuarez said...

Don't worry about Roland Emmerich, he got his comeups by now being regulated to awful summer movies. Day after tomorrow anyone? Ugh.

Roland if you are reading the talkback comments, screw you again.