Thursday, September 07, 2006

Guest post by Esuarez: Chopping mall

This latest post is a guest post by Esuarez, author of The Foreign Object. Enjoy this with your eyemeats.

Chopping Mall -When Killbots go bad at the Sharper Image.

It's every kid's fantasy to get locked up in a toy store for a night. You can shoot basketballs, play video games and create all out toy anarchy. As an adult those urges start dwindle once you learn about trespassing charges and jail time. Apparently, those urges didn't stop the brainacs from the film "Chopping Block" from living the dream and going one step further: breaking into a mall.

Since they are teenagers they are going to do what teenagers would do in a mall. Drink, have sex, Drink some more, have more sex with different partners and ride scooters from the sharper image. The mall in chopping block though is fully prepared for this disastrously teenage menace with a auto security team known as the Protectors a.k.a "The Killbots"!!!!

Now what kind of mall would hire Killbots instead of rent a cops? Well the cool kind featured in this flick. This happened to be the second best mall presented in film behind "Day of the Dead" and "Scenes from a Mall" starring Woody Allen. Of course the Killbots are not able to follow their original programming until they are hit by a strike of lighting. Instead of giving them life like Johnny -Five, the lighting just makes them want to kill. Particularly teenagers drinking and having sex in the sharper image. The Killbot fodder are unable to escape the mall because the security system won't open the large steel doors till sunrise.

What follows is about 50 or so minutes of gruesome deaths and multiple lines of how I don't want to be killed by killer robots. (Heck, what are the robots supposed to do). Now your wondering how can that robot which looks like ROB from the NES kill people? Well it can! and gruesomely, as this clip shows:

Yes the robot was aiming for her butt. That what you get for being half naked in the sharper image. Lesson here is just don't mess with Killbots!!!! Particularly half naked in a Sharper Image.



Spored_to_Death said...

OK, I published this guest review before watching the clip from badmovies, and all I have to say is "Ass ahoy"!

esuarez said...

Ha. I would never send a video link that wasn't pure gold or in this case pure ass on laser. That reminds me of Entrapment with Sean Connery.