Godzilla's Revenge

Another exiting review of Kaiju action awaits you here Sporefans. Today's fantastic movie is one that I remember back from when I was a wee spore traveling on motes of dust before the right combination of moisture and humidity allowed me to bloom into the slimy mass that you have all come to know and love. Yes, strap on your way back machines and dial all the way back to 1969 because today's film is none other than "Godzilla's Revenge"!



















Godzilla is back for revenge for... uh...


For those of you who have never seen Godzilla's Revenge, its one of the Showa series of Godzilla movies and was released with the specific purpose of appealing to small children. The movie revolves around Ichiro Miki, an elementary school student who spends most of his time daydreaming about monster island... that is, when he's not getting the snot kicked out of him at school.











"Remember Ichiro, you can never tell your friends about me, or I'll have to kill them. Uh-yup!"


Ichiro gets away with his idolatry because his parents both work to support him and can't spend much time with him. Looks like being poor hasn't changed much in the last 40 years. Because they both spend so much time working, they enlist a toymaker by the name of Shinpei Inami who lives nearby to keep an eye on Ichiro.

He, uh, works out of the home.

You might recognize Shinpei, because he's played by Eisei Amamoto, better known to you Sporefans as "Dr. Who" in "King Kong Escapes". Luckily, Eisei doesn't get as many close ups in this movie, so you don't get to see how bad Toho's dental plan is. This guy's lower jaw makes Chris Benoit's teeth look good by comparison.















Shinpei: Remember to floss Ichiro, or you'll wind up looking like this.
Ichiro: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, HOW DO YOU CHEW?!?!


As the movie continues, Ichiro uses a contraption made of vacuum tubes and bits of wire and circuitry as his "radio" to monster island, where he speaks to Minya (or Minilla), better known to Americans as "baby Godzilla". The two commiserate on such things as how they both get the snot beat out of them by bullies, and by a sheer act of coincidence, the bullies seem to have the same name: Gabara.

Of course there are some key differences between the two Gabaras. One is a mean elementary school student who bullies Ichiro. The other Gabara is a 170 meter tall green dog looking monster standing on its hind legs with a bright red mohawk and sounds like a giraffe giving its mating call while being put through a blender.

Other than that, they're identical.















Gabara prepares to take Ichiro's lunch money, or crush Minilla, I forget which.


Things seem to be progressing well for Ichiro as he shambles through his life drifting in and out of his dream world while playing in piles of rubble and collecting bits of wire and broken electronics to upgrade his "radio". That is until one day when Ichiro is shifting through a pile of other people's discarded crap, he finds a small card. With his attachment to reality already tenous at best, Ichiro believes that he has found a credit card and can use it to purchase wonderful, wonderful toys. Unfortunately, the card is actually the driver's liscense of a local bank robber, who believes that this small piece of circumstancial evidence will lead the cops right to their hideout.

Man, he should really watch more "Law and Order".

So begins the quest of the bank robbers to recover the stolen driver's liscense, kidnap Ichiro and continue to be the best darn bad guys they can be. Which is pretty sad, actually.















Ichiro: Look at me! I'm just like Godzilla!
Bank Robber: Hey kid, you remember that gun I have...


All things considered, this is a wonderful Kaiju movie full of giant monster fighting. Fans who are waiting for the giant monsters to ravage Tokyo will be disappointed, however, as most of the monster fighting takes place on monster island. Well, actually, in Ichiro's head, but you get the idea. There are a lot of monsters making cameo appearances in this movie, like Gorosaurus, Manda, Kamakiras and Kumonga.

Keep in mind that this movie is aimed at children. If you're expecting a great plot with well developed characters, you're out of luck. But then again, why would you be watching movies like this one for the plot? Sadly, there's no one as interesting as Madame X or Dr. Who in this movie, just a couple of Japanese bank robbers and a small bully.

If you're a Godzilla fan from way back when, then you'll love this movie purely for its nostalgia value. If you're not a Godzilla fan, then you probably won't get this movie.

Unless you're between the ages of 5 and 8, in which case you'll totally love this movie, and you shouldn't be reading my reviews.

Shame on you, I'm telling your parents. I bet they'll be mad.