Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Hood of the Living Dead

Zombies are, without a doubt, one of the most frequently used antagonists in horror movie history. Because of the versatility of the zombie horde, there are almost an infinite number of possibilities when it comes to creating the setup for a zombie movie. Zombies in England. Zombies in a logging camp. Zombies in space (hmmm… looks like a good candidate for a future review). And now, zombies in the hood.

Sort of.

You see, while “Hood of the Living Dead” is set in Oakland, California; it was most definitely not shot in Oakland, California. The most likely reason would be that shooting in Oakland would result in a shooting in Oakland. Unfortunately, the makers of “Hood” didn’t really try to mask their location change, which results in about half of the flaws that this movie has. The other half of the flaws can be blamed on the actors in this sad little satire, who appear to have had one acting class between the lot of them.

Lets take a look at a few of the revealing mistakes in "Hood of the Zombies".

What a nice, well manicured lawn you have there neighbor. The rose bushes in the front are a nice touch.

Grieving over the death of his brother, Ricky pours himself a drink, but what's this?!?!

Is that a bottle of Belvedere Vodka I see? A 750ml bottle averages about $29.95 according to the Virgina Department of Alcoholic beverage control. That's more expensive than the crap I usually drink!

OK, on a side note, I've never actually been to Oakland. But seriously, this can't be it. Its just too, well... nice.

As you might expect from a movie with heavy gansta overtones, Hood of the Living Dead uses the F-word. A lot. In fact, I think that ¼ pf the entire script might be comprised of that one word. There was some debate as to whether or not we should have counted the number of times that it was used in the film, but we would have never been able to tally the number by the time this review was due to be published. But to put it in perspective, it easily rivals Blue Velvet for frequent use of that specific word.

Behold the wonders of the lab. Can you believe this is where science finally learned how to cheat death?

What do you mean "No"?

But unlike Blue Velvet, this movie is neither an artistic vision nor full of nudity. In fact, there is only one female character in Hood and she lives for approximately 20 seconds. So, yeah, it’s a total sausage fest.

If you’re looking for a tour-de-force, look somewhere else. Want something that looks like a Romero movie? Well, this movie has a guy named Romero, and there are zombies in it. That’s about where the similarity ends. The zombies don’t destroy the world. Actually they don’t even take over the hood. The zombies are more of a pesky problem than a world wide threat. They die when shot in the heart instead of the head, which actually makes them easier to kill. Come on, center mass is always an easier target than a head shot. Plus, as the hood is full of gansta types, there are guns everywhere. Given these two conditions, getting rid of the zombie threat should be about as challenging as farting after eating a bowl of Wendy‘s chili. But somehow the zombies keep not getting shot in the heart. Is it really that hard to shoot a guy in the center of his chest from 10 feet away?

At least the zombie effects are good. Gore and guts all present.

This movie was a real let down. It could have been so much more. It could have either tried to be better and have taken the high road, or it could have tried to be campier and take the low road. Actually, I think the low road was probably the only option this movie realistically had. But it looks like someone had a good idea, but only made a half hearted attempt in the execution. I could even forgive the amateur acting if the script had something going for it, but its as flat and tepid as a bottle of Colt 45 taped to a guy’s hands who passed out half way through a game of Edward Forty Hands. Sadly missing is any sort of drive by shooting on a group of zombies. There is a drive by, but the target is sadly living prior to being shot. Sadly, this movie is like the sleeping participant in a drinking game. Disappointing.

But at least the movie doesn’t smell like pee.


min said...

you could have taken a drink whenever they said the f-word. this would have the added benefit of either making the movie better as it went along or you passing out before you had to watch much more of it.

Spored_to_Death said...

We thought of that, but it would have resulted in fatal alcohol posioning. Kind of like the Inuyasha drinking game.

esuarez said...

I like to pour a forty to my dead homie.............Ah, shit he moving fudgggggggeeeeeeeeee.

In Robert Kirkman's "Walking Dead" a real case of a zombie apocalyse is carefully analized through the drama the main characters go through.

I'm sure that is presented here. "Yo man pass the blunt. Aw shit you dead! Naw Naw I ain't hearing thisd!!!"

Spored_to_Death said...

Believe it or not, there are no illegal drugs smoked in this movie. They mention meth and pot, but the only drug on screen is that bottle of vodka.