Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Zombie Honeymoon

"Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage,that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam..." (The Impressive Clergyman from "The Princess Bride"). And yes, mawage er, I mean marriage is the focal point of today's review, because today we're reviewing "Zombie Honeymoon".

To be honest, I was as surprised by the quality of this film as I was with the outcome of "Hood of the Living Dead". But where Hood was a total disappointment, Zombie Honeymoon was unexpectedly good. This was even more surprising given that Honeymoon was a Showtime production. After looking over the back cover of the DVD and seeing the "Showtime" label, I expected 83 minutes bad plot focusing on putting as much nudity and gore on screen as possible. Not that there's anything wrong with nudity and gore, but a good plot helps keep a movie together. And while there is some nudity and lots of gore, it doesn't detract from the fact that this movie is in fact, a tale of love.

With zombies.

The newlyweds, Danny and Denise. Don't they look like nice people?

This movie brought up several questions with the Spored to Death viewing audience. I do have a "staff" of sorts. Mostly these are the people I subject these bad movies to on a regular basis. You, the proud and tortured few, have the right to be part of the Spored to Death publishing experience. Also, consider yourselves permanent interns, as I have no way to pay any of you. Although, on second thought, the word "intern" has such ugly implications. I much prefer a different, though less politically correct term.

Think of yourselves as "minions".

The most prominent question of the night posed by my minions was this: If you were just married and your husband was attacked by a zombie and developed an insatiable craving for human flesh, would you stand by your man? According to this movie, yes, you would. Also of note are the following questions:

If you are attacked by a zombie and are turning, would you be able to avoid eating your wife because of the strong bonds of love that you feel for her?

Do vegan's make good zombies?

Can a zombie vegan still get sick from eating a steak?

For the record, vegan zombies who eat a cooked steak do still get sick. And it ain't pretty.

Can you do the horizontal mambo with a zombie husband?

Can a zombie who's turning cover up their newly acquired eating habits?

Caught red handed.

Can you ever really hide anything from your wife? Like that flesh eating addiction you're trying to deal with.

"Honey, I think I may have a problem."

So as you may have guessed, our young couple Danny and Denise who are played by Graham Sibley and Tracy Coogan, run into a bit of zombie trouble on their honeymoon. Once Danny has unwillingly ingested the goopy blood of the undead, he dies and suddenly comes back to life. That'll teach a young couple not to lie on a beach in New Jersey while minding their own business!

Never sleep on the beach in New Jersey. You'd know that if you weren't too busy sunning yourself on "The O.C."

The movie goes on as Danny slowly learns that he may have an eating addiction. It seems he can't stop his insatiable hunger for human flesh. Danny and Denise try to plan on having a normal life, or at least getting through the honeymoon before Danny goes to pieces, but things always seem to go awry when the walking dead are involved.

Danny experiences withdrawal symptoms.

Denise contemplates counseling, while Danny contemplates what a marriage councilor tastes like.

In the end, Zombie Honeymoon is a surprisingly good take on the zombie genre. It presents a few interesting twists on an old concept. As Danny changes, he manages to keep most of his humanity throughout the movie, but in the end is overcome by the zombie in him. The movie also presents Danny's flesh eating in a way that alludes to someone with a drug problem. The movie does have a few touching moments as Danny battles his addiction, but these moments are usually covered in gore and slime, so they're hard to spot amidst all the other scenes full of gore and slime.

Even though you know before the movie starts that things are going to end badly, you almost feel bad for Danny and Denise as they inevitably fall from being happy newlyweds to a single gore soaked survivor weeping next to a pile of gooey body parts. Which brings us to the last and probably most pertinent question this movie has to offer.

Who the hell goes on their honeymoon in New Jersey?"


Anonymous said...

Good question. What's really strange is that they could have filmed it in New Jersey and told us it took place in Aruba. We wouldn't know the difference. Hell, they could have filmed some toxic waste at low tide and called it zombie goop, and passed off a few average Seaside Heights beachgoers as rotting bloated walking corpses.

esuarez said...

Was this one of those masters of horror films on showtime? My favorite was Sick Girl directed by Lucky Mcgee of "May" fame and co-starring Misty Falls of "Spiderbabe" fame if you want to call that fame...of sorts?

Mycroft Holmes said...

Ah ah ah...if they'd filmed it in Jersey and said it was Aruba, we'd know. Oh, would we know. We have ways. And then what would we think of the movie? "Jesus, they couldn't even afford to shoot this in a nice beach-resort-type place - they had to shoot in Jersey!" I think it worked, by keeping their setting as humble as their budget.

And for the record, I know people who would honeymoon in LBI. Unfortunately for me. How small the dreams of some.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha, Spiderbabe! The best seen in that movie is when some guy calls Spiderbabe a porker, so she shoots a web into his face from her vagina, and all the onlookers laugh instead of being completely disgusted.

Spored_to_Death said...

Is that right before they roll credits and Hannibal says "I love it when a plan comes together", followed by a truncated version of the musical score? Sounds just like the end of an 80's TV show to me, except for all the sex. And spider powers.