Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Satan's Little Helper

Video games are a much debated topic these days. Do violent video games cause children to kill? Are children more violent these days due to exposure to violent videogames? Is the Playstation a tool of the devil? We here at Spored to Death publishing feel the answer is a resounding “no”.

A small part is because of research done from statistics gathered from several reputable sources, most notably the US Department of Justice’s Bureau of Statistics, note that as of the latest findings in 2003 (which are the latest findings available) crime rates of violent crimes among children are the lowest they’ve been in years. In fact, the most likely problem caused by children’s fixation on video games of any type are those butt shaped grooves that show up when you sit on a couch too long and the cushions form a permanent dent where your butt has been.

But mostly we figure that kids who emulate video games in real life are just plain stupid.

Which leads us to our next movie, “Satan’s Little Helper”. This movie is the story of Douglass Whooly, also known as Dougie, who is a third grader with an infatuation with his favorite game where you play as “Satan’s helper” and help the lord of darkness spread death and mayhem throughout the world. During Halloween, little Dougie dresses up in his little devil costume and sets out in search of Satan so that he might serve the fallen one. And because this is a horror movie, Dougie does in fact find a guy in an evil looking mask who runs amok in his small town murdering innocent citizens in traditionally amusing horror movie fashion.

For the most part, Satan’s Little Helper is a really good movie. Joshua Annex, who plays the masked villain is brilliant as the silent antagonist. The movie also has a great cast with Katheryn Winnick as Dougie’s older sister Jenna, and Stephen Graham as Alex: the guy Jenna brought home for Halloween. A surprising addition to the cast is Amanda Plummer as a surprisingly sane person, as well as Dougie and Jenna’s mother.

Undoubtedly, the movie’s success rests squarely on the shoulders of Joshua Annex’s performance. The mute masked man beckons, pantomimes and stabs his way silently through this 96 minute flick while providing most of the amusing scenes in the movie. At times the psychopathic killer can seem kind and almost silently empathetic before gutting a guy like a fish and throwing his entrails over the good china on the family table.

Satan prepares to dispense some "treats".

Counterpoint to our charismatically masked villain is Alexander Brickel’s character Dougie, who’s inability to realize that the people being killed horribly in front of him is not a Halloween prank. No, Dougie tags along like crabs on a Congressman, completely oblivious to the violent acts that make up his world. Even when other children his age run screaming as an old woman is hung from her second story window, Dougie gives an emphatic huzzah and thrusts his drool and mucus encrusted thumb skyward in a salute to Satan’s “playful Halloween antics”. Unfortunately, Dougie is a necessary evil, as without his vapid stupidity, Satan would not have his “little helper”. Either that, or it would be a completely “different” type of movie.

Actual quotes from the movie:

"Honey you can wear my old costume from last Halloween."

"But Mom, I can't dress up like a Renaissance slut in front of my new boyfriend!"


Luckily, the two counterbalance each other on screen enough that Dougie’s presence doesn’t become annoying. In fact, its not until the final third of the movie, after Dougie finally realizes that his masked lord is actually killing people when his father is gutted on the dining room table, that Dougie reaches the height of irritability. Alone, in his room, he kneels down and prays for God’s forgiveness, and pledges to help the lord and Jesus if they would save him and his family from Satan.

Satan and Dougie spend some quality time together talking about drugs, going to college, and the best technique to use if you want to skin a guy feet first.

Less than two minutes later a man in a Jesus costume, which was featured in a shop earlier in the movie, silently beckons for Dougie to leave his house and accompany him into the night. And like a dumbass, Dougie tags along like…well, like crabs on a Senator.

As to not ruin this film for you Spore fans, I’m going to leave you with some traditional cliffhangers. I recommend this movie to all of you, as a surprisingly entertaining horror with some nice comic overtones. But you’ll just have to watch to find out: Will Jenna and Alex have sex before one of them dies? Will Jenna and Alex have sex after one of them dies? Will Amanda Plummer’s character go crazy? Will you see what lies under Satan’s mask? And will Dougie survive the movie to go on to a lucrative career of sorting glass? Watch Satan’s Little Helper to find out the answer to these and many more exciting questions!

Either that or you could spend a few hours playing some violent video games and working on that ass groove in your couch.


esuarez said...

reniassance slut costumes. Are nice to look at!!

Spored_to_Death said...

Yes, but the movie does mention that Amanda Plummer wore the same costume last year. Now try not to imagine her in that outfit.

You can't do it, can you? Its just going to ruin the rest of your day and give you nightmares. You thought it, you can't unthink it.